Them condom Usain Bolts! Excuses men give to avoid using a condom

Lawrence: I know we just started dating but I think I would really like to have sex now.

Bridget: (after initial shakara): okay nah show for room, hope you get condom sha

Lawrence: for what nah?

Bridget: for protection and cover from the spirishua demons from your exes

Lawrence:  I don’t like condom jor! I don’t enjoy it when I use it

Bridget: Uncle no one enjoys it but it’s necessary, you know this well especially with all the diseases out there. You go school oh!

Lawrence: and anyway, I am too big for most of these condoms they’re selling nowadays, you know wharram saying? *smirk smirk*

Bridget: Izzatso? Oga, if you are too big for condom, then you are too big for me o! Please comanbe going. I cannot come and go and die away because of big sontin.

Lawrence: haba, no o! It’s not like that na! But…ehm…but I am clean, I don’t have anything.

Bridget: that’s great nah but how do you know I don’t have something? We just met two weeks ago or you think it will show on my face that I can kill you?

Lawrence: me I am not using condom sha

Bridget: you don’t want the kitty be that

Lawrence: oya wait jor! I’ll go and buy

Yes this conversation really happened between a friend and her new boyfriend (don’t ask me how I know, I just know, okay?).

See, this uncle has been dodging condom since day ONE! It’s still hard to believe in this day and age men are running away and giving excuses for not using a condom. As them no dey fear disease again, they ladies to be the Rambo to their Commando and go riding bareback all over the Grand Canyon.

Uncles bhet why? 😐

“Fiki-faka is never sweet with a condom jare!”

Una say loss of sensation abi say e no sweet with CD.

Yes, I haff hear you but eez not sweet living with preventable diseases too. Don’t be selfish plix, how can you just want to risk getting a cocktail of diseases over 5 minutes of sugar sugar (for those that do 4 hours, una weldone o! No forget say work dey tomorrow o!)?

“I am cleaner than even Ragolis Water. Babe, you are safe with me”

You say you are clean and do not have any kanjamo in ya body. All fine and good. Congratulations! Beht do you know if the babe you want to do is also kanjamo free? Or because she carry Brazilian hair and is wearing Stella McCartney boots and carrying Badgley Mischka hand bag, it means she’s clean?

If that’s how you judge the clean from the unclean na serious one chance be that o! It ‘doesn’t worth’ the risk. I remember in the year 456 BC, one brother told me he can’t possibly have any disease because he doesn’t “do anyhow girls”. He followed up this sentence with “That’s why I don’t need to use condoms with any girls. I only move with clean babes.” Hmmm…I threw an imaginary funeral procession for him and his girlfriend at the time.

“Raincoat is a mood killer mehn!”

Another excuse I’ve heard why men run away from condoms is that it kills the mood and they lose their erection or can’t ejaculate with it on. Ehm….I remember one time when… (See them, look at how they are straining their ear to hear amebo, I did not remember anything jor!  😆 😆 😆 ).

This excuse might be true beht is it still worth the drama of belle that you may still deny in the future or kanjamo that you can still carry? Mbanu o. WEAR IT LIKE THAT! If the mood die, Resurrect it with Barry White or some of the sankolo some of you listen to. If the volcano have refuse to erupt, eez not the condom, na the babe no sweet. (Hehehehe)

Why condoms? I’ll tell you why!

Forget all these excuses for not using a condom. One major function of condoms is to prevent unwanted belle for the married and unmarried. Couples actually do risk it and do the withdrawal method. Hmmmm…I have a friend that I have now attended three naming ceremonies on top of withdrawal methods. You people should kontinuu with your denial ooo!

Guys that think they are Neymar when it comes to withdrawing and refuse to use a condom, but I beg you in the name of God, when she brings her community to your house 9 months later don’t come and say “Beht I pulled out o!”

Her father will ask you pulled out to wia? From North Korea or Sambisa? It is also still not worth the diseases that might accompany that because withdrawal doesn’t mean you haven’t been infected with something already.

Look, we all agree condoms ain’t fun. But they are a necessary evil!

Gentlemen, if the thing vex you too much there are different types. go and hunt for the one that will make you feel like say na inside mayonnaise jar abi warm ogi you dey and stop disturbing women with your excuses.

Yes, I know that some women don’t help matters, na dem go beg you sef not to use but no fall inside trap biko.

Oh, and also those of you that feel extra smart and wear the condom, then half time when you notice the woman has seen all the Egyptian gods you will now stylishly remove it and hope she can’t tell the difference, Amadioha is watching you ooooh. Kontinu!