What do you do when a relationship you treasured so much comes to an end?
What do you do when those you care about decide that they no longer want to be with you?
What do you do?
I’d like to say dear reader that it is easy to move on from such but frankly from personal experience and the stories of others, it is one of the hardest things to do. How do you move on when that person that you imagined would always be by your side no longer deems you worthy of their time? How do you move on when that person you connected with on such a deep level out grows you? It can be very grueling and potentially destructive if not handled well.
I am no expert but having experienced the above, I can share with you a number of things that have helped me tremendously. Most of them have to do with personal realizations and they go as follows:
1) Realize that you are NOT undesirable:
When treasured company leaves us, there is a tendency for us to attribute it to ourselves. We perhaps think:
“If I were desirable, he wouldn’t have left”
“If I was good enough she would still be here” and so on.
These thoughts are self defeating. Yes, there are things we could have done better and it is important that we learn from our mistakes but no reason should you let the departure of another be a basis for self rejection. No matter what has happened, You my friend ARE desirable, You ARE enough, You ARE worth it and You ARE getting better.
2) Realise that you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you just as you want to be with them:
That’s quite a mouthful but consider this for a moment. Why grieve over someone who doesn’t want to be with you any more? Why weep for someone who for one reason or another doesn’t consider you worth his/her time? You dear reader deserve so much better. You deserve to be in a relationship where love is willingly reciprocated and not a one way street. So let them go. Le them go so that space can be made for that relationship that will enrich your life. You deserve it.
3) Understand that no one is under any obligation to be with you:
You put so much time, effort and maybe finance into that friendship and or relationship. How dare he/she treat you this way?! I get it, I do but you see dear reader, the things we do for those we love does not obligate them to love us back. The time, energy and devotion you spent in that relationship is not an investment that demands a return. A relationship is two people willingly loving one another and not two people obligated to be with each other. Love is either freely given or not given at all.
4) Know that there are friends all around you and appreciate them:
Sometimes the grief of losing someone can blind us to the love that is all around us. We weep so much for those that have gone and spare no thought for those that stick with us. Let us not be this way but instead let us appreciate those who are here now. A practical way of doing this is to call or text those people who have been so good to you and let them know you appreciate their presence
5) Wait! What’s coming is surely better:
Look forward to better, dear reader. You have learnt, you have grown and you are getting better and better. Things may hurt now but they won’t always. You will heal and you will experience so much better than what was. So look ahead darling. There is better ahead.
So these are my thoughts. What are yours? Please comment below and let us know. As always we are Viva Naija and we love you
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