A letter to my dear future husband

©Chelsea Crockett - Dear Future Husband Letter - Viva Naija

Dear future husband,

I believe you are doing great. I haven’t written you in a while now, because I’ve been busy with the usual hustle. You know we really need to make this money, it’s a very important something.

Just to brush through the bullet points of my previous letters.

1. I will not kneel down to serve you wine on the day of our traditional marriage ceremony, or wedding day.

2. No bride price will be paid on me. I’m not a commodity to be bought. Leave me to my people, I will sort them out.

3. I will retain my surname. I can hyphenate if you want, but definitely not a total deletion of my maiden name.

New additions:

4. All our assets will be acquired as joint ownership. If my money will be in it, my name must be in it. Alternatively, buy yours with your money, and I will buy mine with my money.

5. I will have my separate bedroom. This is very crucial because I will need somewhere I can go to whenever you get me angry, the very place you would come and apologise and win me back. I will lock the door, you will come and knock behind the door, you will beg me, I will forgive you, then we can look forward to the next time you would annoy me, so we can do it all over again.

6. You will be in the delivery or theatre room with me during the birth of our children. You would hold my hands while I push… that’s if I change my mind from CS. And if it is delivery via CS (most likely), you will be right there when they cut me up and bring out our baby. I will NOT go through it alone. We must do it together, they are our children not mine alone, and the children will take your surname after all.

Remember you’ve got some roles to play in the pregnancy and birth of our children, besides just having sex and ejaculating inside of me. The main reason I will choose you as a father to my children, against the option of getting a sperm donor.

You should start reading books about pregnancy. Read about how to cope with a pregnant wife. There are mood swings that sometimes come with pregnancy. You should be ready to take some shit, and some blame for absolutely nothing at all.?. Consider these your own sacrifice for our babies. That’s certainly not too much to ask for, considering the fact that I will be the one carrying the babies in my womb.

Be ready to get me warm milk and juice at nights. Be ready to pamper me even more when I’m pregnant, be ready to cope with my prenatal tantrums.

I’m predicting I will crave onions and crayfish stew, and Chinese king prawn, beef, shrimp, duck, pork, lamb, chicken fried noodles and rice… Chinese or Singapore style, well spiced. You should learn how to cook these, or save up enough money for takeaway and home deliveries. I know I will want to eat all these while WE are pregnant with OUR babies.

I’ve still got so many more things to tell you, dear future husband. I will let them out as the spirit leads???. Till then, keep being you, keep having fun as a single man, but please don’t spend all our money on your girlfriends sha. Remember we’ve got castles to build. We need to save as much money as we can.

Start getting ready for the real deal. I’m planning to enjoy a fling soon, but the next relationship should be with you. I will be ready to meet you by next year, and maybe start a relationship same time next year, if you are a good boy… I’m sure you will be.

Lots of love from your future wife.
Nkechi Bianze ?

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  1. My Dear Future Wife, I find your letter very interesting. It appears you are going to remain as an undergraduate in your parents house for a very long time to get proper cultural, social and matrimonial education. Charity begins at home.

  2. My dear supposed wife. I dnt need you to kneel down to serve me wine dat day bcos am sure i wont buy any wine.and am sure am nt goin to pay your bride prize so as they shall only enough music DJ we will dance and go home as boyfriend and girl friend dat attend a club in a village hall

  3. You said future husband, your future husband if there will be any would be an imbecile or a lazy fellow with deformity. You guys are fond of pulling good home trained girls down with you because you have failed to get married due to your silly attitude. The time has come for guys to take their time cos bible said in isaiah 4:1 that a man will have the chance to choose 1 girl among 7 lots so if anyone happen to be the idiot she ll end up been sugar mummy for small boys and ll end up with a big regret in her life. A word is enough for the wise and any sane babe should just tell you the writer that you are a stupid foolish devil that is looking for who she ll drag down with her because of her stupid ego.

  4. my dear sister-in-law,its my pleasure to inform u dah u won’t be having to kneel down to serve wine on any wedding/trad. marriage cos my brother won’t be coming to pay ANY bride price as u will have to spend more years in ur FATHER’s house to enable u acquire the much needed cultural/social ethics so u won’t end up turning my beautiful/handsome nieces/nephews into mannerless/uncultured individuals like urself.. God help ur parents and may u receive sense IJN.. Amen!.. Urs sincerely,sister-in-law

  5. I love the novel she stoops to conquer. Some women feel humility/ submission is bringing yourself lower than a man not knowing that its a strength not a weakness. Some articles just put me off. So kneeling to give wine is now a crime. Hian. So Jesus that washed the feet of his disciples dint know what he was doing. The one who serves is greater those were his words.

  6. Nkechi has made her choice. You can’t be angered and speak for a husband of the future which clearly you are not. I think only that person that considers himself a potential ‘future husband’ has a right to respond.

  7. I’ll wait till she is 47yrs and has brought out the second version of the Dear Future Husband letter before I can comment on this letter. Until then, I’ve got no comment. (oh yes, she’s gonna be single at that age with this mentality!!!)

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