Timeline: 07:25 am, I was stuck somewhere in Ikeja because Mr President is in town to perform the most important task of his presidency since 2015: to commission an opening of the largest Kèkè NAPEP garage in the whole of Lagos.
All the major roads from Murtala Muhammad Airport and the immediate Ikeja environs have been locked down since like 05:00am. No normal human being must be sighted on the President’s route, The Commissioner of Police has announced.
“How is that going to be possible?” I thought to myself, scratching my cojones in front of Akinwale Oluwaleimu‘s cosy but posh House 30® Lodgings and Restaurant, in the Ikeja early morning mist.
I was hoping to catch an ewa agonyin seller before Wale wakes up and starts wondering why I noh order “full continental breakfast” service from my room.
Are we not going to wave at the Daura Megida as his motorcade arrives at “under-bridge” in Ikeja? What are they playing at, I mused.
I decided to ignore the police warning and risk going to shout “Sai Baba!” at my former “Changí” hero.
I might even climb and perch on the sycamore tree to catch a glimpse of our Bus-Stop Messiah.
Soooo, I put on my faded “Atiku for President!” tee-shirt from many years ago, my ever reliable Chinese canvas stuck firmly on ma aproko feet and headed out from Abba Johnson Crescent, on to Adeniyi Jones Avenue.
The Ambode curfew did not affect that side, so traffic was flowing normally.
I flagged down an empty Keké NAPEP and hopped in.
“Where you dey go sir?”
“Buhari Bus Stop”
He turned his ostrich neck round to stare in askance at me.
“Where be that, sir?”
“You no sabi the new bus-stop wey Buhari dey declare open for una this morning? Near where Mama Custom dey sell early morning rice?” I replied, impatiently.
“Na wetin we go dey call am be that?” he laughed excitedly, proud to be the first Màruwa rider to know the name of the new Bus-stop.
“Yesh o,” I fired back, smiling mischievously to myself.
The yèyé boy did not waste time as we moved off, “Buhari bus stop! Buhari bus stop! Enter with your correct money, no change o!”
As we entered Oba Akran road, two heavily armed, fierce looking Mopol officers flagged him down. I quietly hopped off and faded across the road as they queried him on where he was going, despite the curfew:
“Na Buhari Bus-stop, sir” was the last I heard him announce, as they lifted him cleanly off his feet by his trousers belt.
I started to remove my Atiku tee-shirt as I accelerated round the corner, by the elongated tenure building of Zenith Bank…
TO BE CONTINUED
Mazi in Lagos noni © 2018
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