mazi abe updates Buhari on Naija shenanigans as the president returns from UK MOT

I am also sure Hadjia Aisha will be able to confirm to your loving fans that the carburettor is firing on all cylinders. Her sunny smile is always enough gauge for confirmation. Allahu Akbar!

Sir, while you were away, nothing happened o. Everybody was well behaved. In fact, hmm… it was as if you had cast a spell over all of them before you left o.

I almost fought in three different beer parlours, when some mischievous drunks were insisting that it was because you had used Paris Club money to settle the usual motor mouths.

I said “Baba ké? Baba does not settle o!” I told them you are as stingy as a Katsina mosquito on a hot Daura night. Abi why do they think that Adamawa Mallam is Atikulating upandan as if someone took his feeding bottle? Sah, me I told them o.

Even the Fayose boy was as mute as a broken Grundig® television. Although he was reportedly renovating Ekiti prisons for #100 million Naira. What for? He he he he he 🤣🤣🤣I can hear you laughing out there too, sir. Yes, the same thoughts went through my mind 😈😈

The Python? Aaah Daddy, the dance has been very majestic and hypnotic. All the dancers have been writhing silently, entranced, dancing to tune.

The rat stayed in its hole though, make python no come take am do afternoon Biafsandwich. Eiiiissshh.

Sooo, there is no problem to report sir. In fact….

Oh! Oh wait o…. there was a little matter of Asiwaju straining against his leashes, but it was just a whimper about the normal restructure line and I am sure he will explain to you that he was misquoted. No wahala.

So that is it.

The floor is yours again, let’s kick ass dude!

Oops, shory sir, I meant, let’s get to work pops!

Welcome back, Mr President. 💞💞

Long live Nigeria