Nigerians are funny!!! This piece would make you shed some rib-crack tear!

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This is sufficiently funny, read and have a rib or two, cracked!…. ๐Ÿ˜†ย  ๐Ÿ˜†ย  ๐Ÿ˜†

TRUE LIFE STORY by Victor Daniel

Not So long ago, I was traveling from school to Akure. At the park I met this girl, very fine fair chic. Fine chic! Fine shape and really tight jeans. Mammy water look-alike. As God bless me reach, she sat down right beside me in the car. Great journey!

Personally, I’m not the type to start a conversation with a random girl sha, so I just sat down looking at this chic with my side eye. After about 10 minutes into the journey, this girl started acting like ogbanje. She was dizzy, she would hold her belly and bend down, raise her face up after sometime, twisting and groaning. Damsel in distress. It was clear- menstrual pains.

I felt pity sha. Aside the fact that I wanted to be the Prince Charming to assist the Damsel in distress, I felt real pity. She suddenly tightened her thighs, laid her hankie over it and was looking nervous, and was muttering to the driver to find a place to stop for her. I know what was happening, it was coming out. I’m experienced like that. Too many female friends sha. So I literally forced the driver to park o. Sister dashed to the toilet of a roadside restaurant and fixed her pad. She came back feeling a lot lighter. She wanted to buy a toilet roll, she didn’t have change, I paid for it. Generous and kind me.

She greeted thank you, and was really grateful for my help and understanding. She then explained to me that it came a little before its usual time and that was why she wasn’t prepared for it. New level unlocked- Talking.

We Got halfway through the journey, and the car stopped so the passengers could eat. She said she didn’t have appetite. I convinced her and then she agreed to “just manage” plantain and stew. I paid.

We Got back into the car and continued talking. She asked for my name, I said Victor.

“I’m Ayo”

She said, before I asked. She liked Facebook too, we add our sef. She dey BBM, I send am request, she accept. She say make we snap selfie – we snap. She started gisting me o, she talked and talked and attempted to crack jokes and I pretended it was funny and laughed. She clearly liked me. I asked her about her boyfriend, she said she was single- gbam!ย  Mission accomplished!

Before I knew it, we got to Akure, that silly driver drove too Damn fast! Who send am??? She was going to Osun, so I had to drop and she continued her journey sha. We were to meet in school whenever we returned the next week.

So in one day, I met a Damsel, saved her in distress, became her friend, swapped numbers, and she’s Single. For my mind, God finally has recognised me as his son and was Blessing me. I didn’t message her till I got back to school sha. I was too busy in akure plus I didn’t want to start keeping in touch immediately so I don’t appear desperate.

So I got to school na, for my mind, I have a chic in waiting. One girl I was toasting before I traveled that was forming for me sef, I told her to fuck off. I don’t have time for one dark girl when I have a fair girl waiting for me. Hehehe. NaSo I PING my Ayo for BBM.

Me: PING!!! (R)
No reply.

Next day

Me: PING!!! (R)
No reply.

Two days later

Me: PING!!!
PING!!!
PING OOOOOO!!!!
Ayo: Hi
Me: Heeeeey, U read my ping twice and you didn’t reply shey?
Ayo: Who’s this?
Me: (shocked) Victor
Ayo: From where?

Ha! Abi devil has started playing with somebody’s destiny ni? I remained patient sha. Maybe she’s this irrespective because she didn’t know it was me.

Me: Victor from the bus to Akure.
Ayo: K.

:O :O :O

K? Just K? Abi my enemies haveย  tied my destiny to Tee Billz own? K ke? K as in Kiode? It was like play like play o. Naso I start dey try form familiarity. I crack jokes tire. Reminded her of the good times we had while traveling, especially the part where I thought she was going to die and begged the driver to stop for her- so it will ring a bell. All I got were “Aii”, “k”, “lolz”, “kul”.

From that day I lost faith in humanity. I deleted her from my BBM and had peace of mind. From that time whenever I’m travelling and a girl is suddenly having cramps I just bring out my anointing oil and annoint myself. So I don’t mistakenly goan act nice again. Today I was just on my own o, I suddenly got a Facebook message from the Demon:

Ayo: Victor boo, please follow this link to vote for me as face of….

Face of what? Ehn??? Face of Sango? Face of Karashika? Face of carry over abi face of fuel scarcity?!

Rrrrrubbitch!!!

Chai, Victor Daniel, you are damn funny!

you are good meme

 

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