Why Nigerian beauty pageants such as Queen of Trust and the girls who enter them make my brain itch

Somebody cannot drink water and keep cup before another story unfolds in the mind-numbing f**kery that is Nigerian drama. Today’s edition is brought to you by a young lady called Cynthia Ugbayi or@cynthiavinn if you’d like to partake of the nonsense, and a Fuji House of Commotion called The Nigerian Queen Beauty Pageant but formerly known as Queen of Trust.

As is always the case with these fly-by-night organisations, they are busy peddling their nonsense and luring young girls with promises of easy fame and fortune, and nobody hears their name until kasala bursts and everyone starts to run their mouths. Now breeze don blow, fowl yansh don open. Accusations are flying like – one million naira and car missing like the way our national budget is missing; one person is Queen Mother; one person is a lesbian; they said one person should come and sleep with men for money and so on. Iranu. Abasha.

Queen of Trust setting young girls up for…what, exactly?

Please, let’s start with the name, shall we? Queen of Trust? Trusting what? Like a trust fund? Like I trust that this will be the height of nonsense? That we should trust the girl? Or we should trust the organisation? We know we cannot do either; the organisation could not spell if their lives depended on it, and you cannot look at this girl’s knuckles and tell me you do not see signs of the end times and reasons to distrust:

The whole thing just stinks of racketeering to me because it leads me to what annoys me the most about these kinds of organisations: what is in it for both parties? We know what is in it for the organisers: if they do the show in the usual legit way, there is sponsorship, money and recognition. If they do it in the way that Cynthia suggests they do (get these girls to sleep with rich men for money that gets funnelled back to the organisation), then there’s money and…well, money.

And the ladies? What exactly is the Queen of Trust awarding these ladies for? What have they done to deserve these gifts? Are you sending out a message that you just have to look good and you will get a million naira and a car? And you say you do not in any way condone prostitution or cheap behaviour? Queen of Trust and other pageants like it are taking the mick.

Look, if you’re going to eat a frog, might as well eat a pregnant frog. Why don’t y’all just get a video camera up in a bedroom and make a sex tape called Queen of Get It By Any Means Necessary, and make your money the good old-fashioned Kim Kay way? Tscheeeeeeew. All these triflin’ triflers insisting that I won’t have peace in this 2016, my God is bigger than all of you.

Young ladies, be ’bout your business. And by business, I don’t mean your weaves, waist trainers, duck face, one-colour-fits-all transparent complexions and your boppin-it-like-Beyonce dance moves for no reason at all. And while I have this platform, it also does NOT mean your photographs that have three shots of you in one shot looking for wetin no lost for ground.  😡

Get some knowledge. Get a qualification (a real one; that includes learning to write in proper sentences). Get a career. Be known for more than just your face and your IG profile. You’re more. You’re so much more.