You know your mum is Nigerian –
- when she says “Get my kini” and believes with all confidence that she gave birth to a mind reader
- when you say “Mummy, I’m Sorry” and she replies “Sorry for yourself”
- when you ask her where you should drop something and she says : “drop it on my head now.”
- when she brings food wrapped in a nylon bag from a party.
- When you say: “mummy, I have malaria” and she replied: “why wont you have malaria when you have been pressing phone since morning”
- When you say: “I came 2nd in my class” and she replies: “soo the person that came first has two heads, abi?”
- When she takes the dstv remote to work, just to punish you.
- when you’re watching tv with her and then she sleeps off and still doesn’t want you to change the channel
- if when you tell her you are going to friends place and she be like: when last did they come here to play with you?
- when your mum asks you if the food is enough and you reply no and she says go and drink water
- when she tells you if I hear Peem, you will hear ween.
- when she touches hot pot comfortably without a napkin
- when with one look she tells you, you will get the beating of your life when you get home
- when you say: my wedding will be baaaaaaaaaaad and she replies: God forbid. Your wedding will not be bad in Jesus name
- When she tells you: “I didn’t kill my mother, so you cannot kill me”
- When she calls you from your room upstairs and then sends you back upstairs to bring her purse…
- When you ask her to help you with your home work and she advised: go and meet your brother. You then say, so you don’t even know it and she replies: “Awon ebi baba e ni olodo.”(it is your father’s family members that are dullards)
- When you ask her to refund the money you lend her and she tells you “all the food you’ve been eating at home nko?”
- if she is more accurate with her slippers than Robin Hood is, with arrows
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