BREAKING: Potent drug launched; works against mental illness, mouth odour…

The BBC Focus on Africa program today announced key discoveries coming out of the largest black nation on earth, Nigeria.

In recent memory, the nation has been in the news for the wrong reasons.

Struggling under the weight of a self–inflicted economic recession, these scientific discoveries are expected to ease the pain and earn much needed foreign exchange for the nation of 200 million people.

Here is a brief summary of the innovative drugs to be mass produced by May and Baker PLC., a multinational pharmaceutical company:

The combo of Salvation and Silence, manufactured via recombinant DNA technology, will be the perfect vaccine against Mental Illness, Mouth Odour and the Wrath of God; which are extremely infectious and highly virulent diseases that have ravaged the southern parts of the country in the last six months.

Tithes (in both capsule and “liquid” forms), will be deployed in the treatment of intergenerational poverty and ancestral curses, as well as financial difficulties.

Cooking Wife and Praying Wife are both long acting medications which will tackle Marital Discord, Domestic Violence and high rates of Divorce. It is common knowledge that the medicine will be most effective when administered to newly wedded females of the homo sapiens species. There is concrete evidence that the drugs will help in the complete evolution of women into human beings.

In other news, the nascent health delivery platform, Fitnessnaija.com, has launched a new service this November, to enhance health seeking behaviour in the West African country known for very low doctor–to–patient ratios. Health professionals are expected to sign up for the service which will make them more accessible to the mostly youth population which is internet–savvy. However, there are concerns that internet based tools are from the devil and will bring more hardship to the country. ?

We shall update you when we have more information. Thank you for reading.