Brits wanna stay in and drink coffee: the death of entry fee for nightclubs?

Less and less people are going to nightclubs these days and even less want to pay for the privilege of queueing outside for hours, buying a beer for a million pounds, and then standing next to a sweaty guy telling you that you have the same name as his mother.

On Tuesday, the Office of National Statistics said it had dropped nightclub entry fees from its inflation measure, replacing them with coffee pods and women’s leggings. Too few clubs are charging for admission, it said, making it difficult to calculate entry costs and include them in the 704 goods and services comprising the consumer price index.

Coffee pods and leggings??? What happened to Beastie Boys and their fight for our right to party?? This new generation is a disgrace, I tell ya! LOL.

But what happened? Why aren’t we partying like we used to? Coffee tho?

1. Generation Y and Technology
   Time was the nightclub was the only time and place you could have fun with your friends. The working week was over, you could start with drink or three, go on to the club in your freakum dress, catch a man’s eye, or if not, just dance with your girls around your handbags. Then go home via a quick stop at the burger or kebab joint.Today, you can get the pizza delivered to your house. There’s no smoking inside the club and it’s too cold to stand outside for a fag. Smart TVs, bad-ass sound systems like Sonos, and funky apps can turn your home into a nightclub. Dating apps such as Tinder or Grindr means you can just cut the whole club bit out entirely.

   As chief executive of the Association of Multiple Licensed Retailers, Kate Nicholls, says:  “Younger customers are used to acquiring their entertainment for free: free music, free television and free films, and there is much less reason to leave the house, particularly if supermarket alcohol can be bought so easily and cheaply.”
   

2. The Ever-Rising Demand for Residential Accommodation
   As the influx of humans continue into Greater London, property developers are making a killing snatching up more properties and chopping them into human-sized living accommodations.

   Not only does this mean that barn and warehouse conversions are the latest chic things to live in, but the permits that nightclub owners need in order to function have strong noise and nuisance laws attached. So where can these nightclubs operate? When your neighbour that used to be part of the same business park is now a deluxe 6-flat block?

3. We Just Can’t Be Arsed
   Technology and the world at our finger tips has made us indescribably lazy. We send WhatsApp messages to family in the next room. We do girly nights over the phone (I once watched an entire film with a girlfriend on the phone “Chiiiisos is Lordt! So he was the killer the whole time? Na wa o!”). We’d just rather stay in. Simple.

There are still venues that insist on payment in London and if you’re interested, then TimeOut will no doubt see you aright. But me? I want a curry, a glass of wine, and a duvet while I watch some nonsense and shout at my TV.