There are different types of feminists and sometimes the factions war against each other. Why do we often argue about the right kind of feminism? Why?
I am a feminist, but I have no quarrel with those women who reject the label. Maybe because once upon a time I’d done the same. But now I proudly declare myself one, I’m a little more sympathetic. So long as your actions and personal beliefs are feminist in nature, then I’m good – label or not.
I am a feminist who has very little interest in politics – yes, even feminist politics. Yes, I speak out about public policies that marginalise women or disproportionately affect women, but I’m hardly the cardboard-carrying-let’s-protest-on-the-street advocate. I have immense respect and admiration for those who are. I’m in awe of them, as I know their job is not easy. It’s a thankless job, believe it.
I am a feminist who is happy to be married to my sweet potato, the sugar in my tea, onye m ji eme onu (and yes o, it does sometimes feel like dude was specially crafted with me in mind, that all his previous relationships failed because na me e dey wait for even if he didn’t know it). But if I feel this marriage now suddenly begins to bring me misery, I know divorce lawyers and I won’t hesitate to call them up. And I’d embrace my divorce the same way I have embraced my marriage, with contentment and mushy Facebook updates.
I am a feminist who hates cooking. I loathed cooking before I ever heard the word feminism, I’ve loathed it after. Even if a billion feminists come out to extol the joys of cooking, of feeding & nurturing their family, I will still loath cooking, even if I’m the only feminist who does.
I am a feminist who doesn’t bear her husband’s name. At first it was because I was lazy – the whole changing name was just too much frigging hassle, I wanted no part of it if I can avoid it. Then it became a thing of pride: “Don’t ask me to change my name when my husband doesn’t have to!” Now, it’s back to being a thing of laziness – abeg, that change of name business is too much wahala biko. Any person wey get energy to do am, well done to you. Also, love still dey shack me now and I think marriage is forever. It ain’t – too many divorces prove it. I cannot use my last morsel of strength to change name & if shit ever hits the fan, then have to do it again. Naaaaah! Sorry! I’m too lazy.
I’m a feminist who is agnostic. I don’t care for Christianity, I don’t care for Islam, I don’t care for Buddhism, I don’t care for religion period! I think all of them are the same kind of crap fed to people, and people keep consuming it because it’s comforting – and why not, this world is fucked up anyway, get your kick where you can find it, so long as you’re not harming anyone. Once I used to spend a lot of time criticising Christianity in particular. Then I got bored, and decided: hey, that I don’t want something doesn’t mean others shouldn’t. Sure most religions are misogynistic; a little dig into their history offers an easy explanation why. And if a feminist likes his/her feminism with a dash of faith, it’s all good by me. Like I said, living is shit, get your comfort where you can find it.
I am a feminist who is a sex-advocate. I’m sorry, but I love talking about sex. I’m also a feminist who loves talking about sex but who understands not all feminists like talking about sex. That they find it uncomfortable. They do a lot better talking politics, taking up placards and going on the streets, establishing NGOs and helping widows and empowering women. They are more into traditional advocacy (I’m too much an introvert & yet to conquer anxiety attacks to be suited for that – social media is a refuge and an tool for me). I’m a feminist who accepts that every feminist has his or her own role to play, and we can’t all be doing the same things, and no one’s area of strength is better than the others, but all of us working hard in the things we are good at, we gradually make an overall difference.
This is the kind of feminist I am. And this is why I don’t get sucked into Facebook feminism fights, but very much enjoy them for their entertainment value.
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