Thoughts on submission in marriage


Dear Nigerian men,

Being a head in the context in which the Bible puts it means TO SERVE.
Being a head has much more to do with SERVING than it has to do with being a boss.
Being a leader means that you are supposed to be held at a HIGHER MORAL STANDARD than those you lead.

I was chatting with a very close male cousin, and we got into an argument about submission.

As usual, he brought in the Bible claiming it as his standard. I let him say and preach all he wanted to preach.

After his sermon, I asked him a question. I said “tell me the truth, it’s just you and I here. If your wife were to fall sick and her only chance of survival is for you to give her your heart, which means you would die, be sincere, would you give her?”.

I don’t want to bore you with the epistle he gave as an answer. But to summarize it, he thought my question was ridiculous. He said bluntly that he won’t do that.

I have asked this question to many guys that preach submission to me, and none of them said yes.

The truth is that, according to the Bible, Christ loved the church so much that he gave his life for the church. That’s how much a man should love his wife. A Christian man should love his wife so much that if and when need be, he would be willing to die for her.
The commandment that men should love their wives as Christ loved the church came immediately AFTER the commandment that wives should be submissive to their husbands. But most Nigerian Christians spend 99% of their live times preaching and hammering on submission like their lives and ability to breathe air and live through each day depend on it.

I get bored and choked up when people come at me with sermons about submission. And it’s worse when they don’t accompany the sermon by preaching love.

I don’t believe in the Bible, and I don’t believe in submission, but I would say the Bible was close to getting it right here.

Because even the most stubborn and toughest women on earth would soften, adore, love, respect and even worship any husband that genuinely loves them. I’m a woman, and I know that that’s how we are wired.

The main problem with submission as preached by Nigerian Christians is that the men who demand submission like it’s their fundamental rights are those who can’t give even just 1% the love of Christ.

Some people argue that submission breeds love. But that actually doesn’t make sense. It would be either slavery or stupid to submit to someone who you are not already convinced loves you.

For those of you who believe in submission, the best and most effective way to get your woman to submit and do anything you want is NOT to boss around or act like you are the master and she is the slave, it is to love her and make her believe you genuinely love her.

This is an open secret. The fact that most Nigerian men who claim to be Christians and believe in submission do not attempt to practice this means that they are not willing to meet their own parts of the bargain.

You can’t treat a woman like trash and expect submission. Christ did not treat the church like trash. If you can’t love her as Christ loved the church, you are NOT morally justified to expect or demand submission.

Submission is not demanded. It is NOT your right. It is earned. You sow love on your wife and reap submission.

How many Nigerian men can love as Christ loved the church? I dare say 99% of them can’t. But these same Nigerian men are the ones that won’t stop blocking our ears with sermons about submission.

No, you aren’t seeking a submissive wife because you are a Christian and believe in the Bible, you are seeking a submissive wife because the Bible is a backup for you to live your fantasy of a master-slave relationship in the guise of marriage.

Even if I believed in submission, I would NEVER for one minute be submissive to a man who doesn’t love me as Christ loves the church.

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