Valentine’s Day, Nigerian secrets, and the fear of bad belle

Now that the weekend is over, can we all return to normal now? This isn’t about bad belle, I know it wasn’t just any ordinary weekend; I understand. It was Valentines weekend and there was so much noise about it. I am not a Valentine’s Day lover but I hope those who got their love game on had a real good time.

If you got your heart broken this weekend or found out about the plenty skeletons wey dey inside bobo and ol’ girl cupboard, all I can say is ndo oh, better luck next year. I was in that skeleton finding position last year (sniff amebo for another century) so I know exactly how you all feel. Take heart, better days ahead, etc etc. I’m sure you know the lines by heart by now.

My own Vals day was super normal (by that I mean super sleep), but it was made awesome by some good news. One of my padi born valentine baby so I was really excited for her.

But then I just realised I had not seen her in person all through the pregnancy. She showed me a baby bump picture when she was about 6 months gone which is more than I can say for a lot of other people.

For some reason in Nigeria there is the need to hide from friends and some family members – right from the second you get the positive test result to the moment you are safely home after childbirth. My padi no hide from me o, but I have had other close friends as in padis of life who have done this to me.

They avoid you after marriage (epistle for another day), and when they get pregnant which is wonderful news, you and everyone else suddenly become imaginary witches and wizards who want to harm the unborn baby. So they keep it hush hush, sometimes going as far as refusing to meet with you (unless by mistake you jam dem for road), and of course even when you ask if they are pregnant or how many months gone they are, you will get very vague answers or none at all.

I have sat down to think about their reasons but I can’t come up with any that makes sense logically, except of course in cases of a previous miscarriage. I understand that miscarriage one well well so no explanations needed there.

If the reason is we might harm the unborn a baby (as winchy winchy bad belle movement dey be), can’t we still cast our spells and place our hexes on the baby after its being born? Or a year later or even five years later?

I don’t see people in other continents doing this so is it an African thing or a Nigerian thing? Who started it? I do understand that not everyone has good intentions and bad belle plenty for town but why hide the beauty of a growing life inside you from the same people who must have been there to celebrate the steps taken to create the life and who you will still invite to come and join you to celebrate the birth of the life?

You will collect their gifts and prayers and well wishes but still think they are evil people when the next pregnancy comes along. By no means am I saying go to the main road or national assembly and become a wailing wailer, announcing your pregnancy, mbanu, but do not hide either.

Share the good news with friends that care for you. Their prayers while you’re pregnant will go along way (if you believe in that sort of thing), as will their well wishes. A new life growing should be surrounded with positive energy and love and hiding in your house or resisting the urge to share is not the way.

Men too sef join for this thing. One of my male friends refused to tell me his girlfriend was pregnant until I found out on my own (I was minding my business abeg, amebo came to meet me) and when I asked how far along she was, he said, “Don’t you know it’s against Yoruba corshor to tell someone that?”

Eye roll.

Okay oh, me too I will pretend I no hear say you born, even if you tell me personally. We can be friends for the next twenty years and I would never ask you about it. No congratulations or any senrere for mothers involved.

Lol…I dey vex like that.