Victor Ibeh’s Desk: he’s still seeing his ex. Does he really love me?

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Viva QuestionDear Victor, please help! I’ve been following you for quite sometimes now. I love what you’re doing, God bless you. Please I have an issue. I’ve been in this relationship for 1yr+  and he’s been good. He spends on me, though most times I’m the one asking for it. It is a distant relationship, it’s also founded on chastity. I’ve always trusted him, most times I get in argument with my male friends, they usually tell me that he is cheating on me, but I don’t believe it because I myself, I don’t cheat.
We were not on good terms last week…I don’t even remember the cause. It started with if I call we don’t talk, we argue at times, usual couple stuff. He started shouting at me on phone. That was the height of it. That morning, I took a trip down to his house without telling him…just to sort ourselves out.
On getting there I saw a lady in his house; a lady he told me about who was meant to be his ex. We exchanged greetings. I was with his key so I let myself into the house. The lady has washed and cooked for him. He wasn’t at home, the lady called him told him I was at the house. Hmmm…oga Victor, he never called me, instead he called the lady back. So I called and told him I’m in the house. He said okay and dropped the call.
The lady finished what she was doing, packed her things and told me she was actually going home that day so she left. He called me later and asked me to leave his house but I couldn’t travel back because it was so late. When he came back and saw me still at the house, he didn’t talk to me; he just dressed up to leave. I had to beg him to stay at home. After much pleading he stayed back and slept.
I tried engaging him in a discussion the next morning but he felt reluctant. He actually told me that he’s not remorseful about what I saw. I left the next day and he never called. He finally called on the third day asking to meet me at an eatery but I refused. At this point he has not called me to explain things to me. I was still calling him even after the incident. I’m confused sir…does this guy really value me as a person? Does he love me? I’m really seeing it to be that I’m forcing myself on him. ?
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Viva AnswerI am going to be a bit harsh for the first time. If it were possible, I would have e-flogged you for looking down on yourself so much! This does not require long sermons. Love comes with value and respect. It it not in my place to tell you if he loves and values you. Don’t you have a sense of self worth? Relationships should not dull your senses to the point where you no longer know what humiliation looks like.

This man has shown beyond reasonable doubt, that you are totally dispensable to him. Now, don’t get me wrong: we are all dispensable. But in this case, he has shown that he has no iota of value for you. Simply put, you mean nothing to him. This relationship can only succeed in doing one thing for you – totally diminish your self-esteem, until you feel worthless to yourself.

self worth

The man has been using you as an appendage. Make no mistake about it, you are not a major factor in his life. Find your way out of that relationship. You need to be with a man that values you, else stick to yourself and remain single. Singleness is not a terminal disease. You might want to go to my site (vilvar.org) and take the course on self-esteem. I’m sure it would be of immense help to you.

Do you agree with Victor Ibeh? Comments below please!
Next week on the Victor Ibeh Desk - Transparent

Hello prof! It’s quite a while, I have been so busy. I need you to help me out with this. I have known long before now that it is not polite to ask a lady of her AGE. But in what ways can said age be known by the male friends? Or friends who want to become something more? Also, if we ask a lady and she then lies, how do we handle the false age declaration? Does it affect friendship? Should it affect the friendship? Thanks sir.

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