Let go off the past
I had a university sweetheart. She is married. She is the person I regard as my epic love. I have my reasons. We didn’t marry but we know the things we shared. We were bonded in persecution, pain and mutual love. I do not have romantic feelings for her any longer because she belongs to another man now. But I still respect and adore her. Nothing will change that. She did things in my life that I can never forget. Not in this life.
When she got married, she unfriended me. I was calling her at some point until she told me to stop because it was affecting her. We didn’t marry not because we didn’t want to, but for external factors. Family, church and all that. So the feeling is very much alive. Two of her sisters are still on my list. I occasionally go to her wall to know what is going on in her life. I am not stalking her, I am just checking on her with good conscience. I could have continued bugging her with incessant calls but I didn’t. I want her to enjoy her marriage, I don’t want to give her ideas.
I know that marriage can be challenging at some point. It is very easy for her to start seeing me as an alternative when she faces marital challenges. I didn’t want to put her in that difficult position where she would want to give her marriage crappy commitment because she has me. I feel for her husband. He is a man like myself. I will feel unsafe if an ex of my wife is bugging her.
People should learn to respect boundaries. If you haven’t gotten over an ex, don’t get into another relationship and frustrate your new partner. It is all shades of bad. I don’t know why people will get involved with other people and still want to flirt with their exes. It doesn’t make any sense to me. If you become my ex, I have no romantic connection with you any longer. This is because I want you to be able to build and sustain healthy relationships with other people. This is wisdom. It is not rocket science.
Divided commitment in a relationship threatens the success of that relationship. Don’t keep an emotional idol in your heart and expect to build a successful relationship. It won’t work. Get over your ex or go back to them. As a rule if I confirm that you have not gotten over your ex, I will just walk. I hate drama. If you want to enjoy your present, let go of the past. There are some exes that made so much impact in our lives that letting them go becomes difficult. If this is your situation, get your present partner involved. Give him/her full details and let them be part of whatever interactions you have with your ex. Does it sound well if you are in a new relationship and you are still talking dirty talks with your ex? You still chat about your past sexperiences. It is just plain disrespect to your present partner. If I discover such I will just let you go back to that ex and complete the journey.
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