mazi abe’s corner: Barka de Sallah – Runaway Ram and Miniskirt Story

“Alao òkò mi, please I am going out and you are the only one at home, look after the house o,” Alhaja intoned for the third time.

“Yes mummy,” I answered.

“Please make sure all the gates are secure. I will be back very soon.

“And Abe! There are four rams in this house for ‘Ileya’ tomorrow. Don’t sell any of my goats like last year o. Or else you and I will wear one sókótó in this house!!” she warned, her beloved Volvo finally revving after the fourth try.

“Yesh mummy,” I muttered, rolling my eyes.

As I was pulling the gates shut, I heard the phone ring, so I just hurriedly closed them and dashed upstairs. After the phone call, I completely forgot to go back and secure the gates.

I brushed my teeth, lit a half joint, slid into the bath and mellowed out.

“Abe! abeeee! abeeeee! èrán ti já o !!!! abeeeee! èrán ti já o!!!!

“Abeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! The goat don run o!!”

Finally, the loud voice of Ikem, the house help next door, woke me up from my klaro induced reverie.

In a panic, I jumped out of the bath, and with foamy soap blinding my eyes, I grabbed what I thought were shorts from the wash basket and flew downstairs.

Luckily, as I reached street level, the àrà adugbos (area people) had apprehended the cowardly mèè for me.

To be truthful, I had noticed a few funny looks and some girlish giggles from the small crowd, but I was more thankful for a stress free Ileya than some silly jokes at my expense.

Then as I was securing the gate with the stupid goat on my other hand, Alhaja honked and drove back in.

“Abeeeeeeeeeeeee!” She screamed, as she got out of the car “Where are you going with my goat ???? ”

“No mummy, the goat….”

“The goat se kini ??? I warned you not to sell my goat…and why are you wearing your sister’s miniskirt ???”

What ??

It was then that I looked down and realised it was Kofo’s skimpy skirt I had grabbed upstairs in a panic earlier.

No wonder those stupid girls were giggling.

“Haaaaaa Mo gbe!! Who has done this to me??” Alhaja wailed loudly.

Mummy, its not what you think. It was the goat that……

“The goat wo ?! What goat? The goat told you to wear your sister’s skirt ? Haaaa mogbe !! ègbami !

“Oya oya oya!! go and dress properly. No more Sallah. Get in the car. We are going to Ijebu ode !

“They will remove that thing from your body today today!”

But mummy…….

Hmmmmmmmmmm

Some story huh?

Barka de Sallah.

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