Marriage is a Partnership
After my first marriage, I changed so much. I didn’t change from good to bad though. I just began to pay more attention to myself.
When you make the first mistake in marriage, people can easily pardon you but it is difficult to pardon you, when you make a second mistake.
Divorce should afford you the opportunity to correct your previous mistakes. This is for those who still have faith in marriage.
I didn’t wake up and become as brutal with my personal decisions as I am. I have been to hell and back. Have seen a lot. When I say things, I have tested them.
If you observe, I avoid saying or making demonizing posts about my ex wife. The truth is that I came out of that marriage, disgruntled, disillusioned, broke and almost hopeless. It took a toll on my whole personality. This however does not mean I would come here to say damaging things about her; because she was my choice at some point. Demonizing her won’t make me honorable. After all, I wasn’t forced into the marriage. I voluntarily made my choice.
Now this one of the things I learnt. I learnt to love myself, my dreams, my aspirations and my whole being, like no other person would ever love me. This means putting me first.
I have made a lot of sacrifices for love, without getting any reciprocity. I won’t call her a bad person. I just think we were not compatible.
I used to be too obsessed with my love for the other person that I don’t pay attention to how much they love me. Every moment of the day my thoughts would be on how to add value and better the person’s life. I think a lot. I could spend a whole day thinking up ideas on how to add value to a partner. Now, that isn’t bad. In fact it is the right thing to do. The only challenge is when you are doing it and your partner isn’t doing same. Love is beautiful when both parties think and make commitments towards the happiness and betterment of each other.
If I am adding value to you and you are adding to me, there won’t be problems. Trouble comes when it is one-sided.
This used to be me. I never paid attention to how much love I was getting. All I’m usually after is how to make the other person happy and in most cases, to my own detriment, especially because I don’t get a reciprocity.
Most people want to receive what they can’t give in a relationship. You want value but you don’t want to give it.
My love life is connected to my purpose. I cannot separate it. My purpose gives me happiness. If we are dating and you don’t show any interest in my purpose, we won’t last.
I have been there before. I cannot be showing interest in your career and whatever you do but you fail to do same.
In fact, there are things I shouldn’t tell you. You are naturally supposed to ask me. It shows value. I have had relationships where I had to literally beg my lover to show interest in what I do.
Support. Support. Support.
It is not only men that should support a woman’s dream and career. Couples are meant to be partners in every sense of the word. The annoying thing is that some people would refuse to give you that support but they would get angry when people of the opposite sex begin to give you the support they should have given.
That’s like devilish to me. You refuse to do something and you don’t want someone else to do it.
I don’t see myself getting married, except it is to a woman who understands my purpose the way I understand hers. Then, we can join forces and become great together. It is pointless to have a partner who is nothing but an eating and sex mate. We should be more than that.
It is frustrating to be with somebody who doesn’t have any form of interest in what you do. You can’t even have a meaningful chat about each other’s dreams?
What the hell are we doing?
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