The secret place of a man is not a physical location. It is an emotional cocoon in the deep recesses of his mind. I am talking about a man in this write up because this post is gender specific. It doesn’t in anyway mean that women don’t have their secret place.
There is an erroneous belief that men are emotionless. That is a lie. I am a man. And I am yet to meet any woman who is more emotional than I am. The difference is that I have learnt to harness my emotional energy and use it positively.
Yesterday, I went to render my services to a couple in their private residence. During our session, the wife raised an issue. This is the issue I want to address in this post. She explained that anytime they had conflict, when she make attempts to discuss, he doesn’t respond. That he becomes withdrawn from her and in some cases avoids all forms of interactions with her.
She said it was a sign of immaturity. I quickly told her not to give it a name yet. I didn’t want her to ruin that session with the wrong words. Some women always use words wrongly and mess things up. Wisdom is the principal thing.
I painted four pictures and asked the woman to identify her own experience.
I asked her if when they have a conflict, she tries to discuss with him and get a proper perspective of things before making her conclusion and probably create room for reconciliation?
– When they have issues, does she shut him up and deny him the opportunity to explain himself?
– When they have issues, does she scream down his head, throw tantrums and behave like a lunatic?
– When they have issues, does she spend more time on insults rather than on proper dialogue?
She chose the third picture. Her husband also agreed that it was the third picture. So, I asked her, can you make out time to discuss with a person who is screaming and behaving like a lunatic? She said no. I asked her why she was expecting her husband to make out time to discuss with her, when she was acting like a lunatic.
She was calm and couldn’t say a word. Then I began to explain to her, that dialogue requires calmness. You need to be calm to hear what your partner is saying and also to make reasonable decisions.
There is nothing that cannot be discussed, but there is an ideal atmosphere for dialogue. There is no peace loving man that would engage you in dialogue when you are raving like a lunatic.
If your man has discovered that anytime you try to discuss issues, you go into beast mode and start using verbs and adjectives, it will be difficult to get him to discuss and sort things with you. Except his is also an insane person, in which case you both would be screaming at each other without saying any meaningful thing.
If you continuously act in such manner, he is likely to run into his secret place and hide from you. It is not malice, it is protection.
Even when somebody is wrong, you still need to hear them out. Listen. Let the person explain himself.
Being too dramatic will not pass any message across. You will just end up draining yourself.
Simple test, if you have a man who behaves in the manner that I have just explain will you feel comfortable discussing issues with him? Hell no.
There is always a right way to present issues. If you present issues the wrong way, even when you are the victim, you might lose your justice.
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