Stop Judging Other People’s Relationships
When you are friends with your partner, societal stereotype will have nothing on you. Both of you will learn to create your own realities.
Many years ago in the University, I had a girlfriend. We understood each other very well. I knew her strengths and weakness and she knew mine. We didn’t care about the outside world. We were focused on our happiness.
Any time she came to my place, I would ask her to sit while I made food. After eating, I don’t allow her to move the dishes. I told her that she was my guest and I owe her the duty of making her comfortable.
I had guys in my hostel who would always make funny comments that she didn’t love me, because she wasn’t doing the cooking. It looked ridiculous to me. They had no idea what we’ve been through together. SHE HAD SHOWN ME LOVE IN WAYS THAT MATTERED TO ME. I therefore considered it foolish for them to assume that she didn’t love me.
For me, love means loyalty. I want to be sure that you have my interest at heart. I want to be sure that you value me the way I value you. It is not cooking and all that stuff, not sex, money etc. loyalty and value does it for me. I want to know that in my vulnerable state I can count on you. I want to know that you think highly of me.
She was giving me all that, so I didn’t see the need to compel her to cook in my house just to feel good about myself. To be very honest, cooking can never be a relationship problem for me whether in a marriage or otherwise. I am too deep to hold on to surface things like cooking.
It should come naturally. Don’t go about judging people’s relationships. Every relationship is unique and operates on a set of formulas. What works for me might not work for you. I still maintain that a woman who cannot cook is not inferior to the one that can cook. One man’s choice of a wife might not qualify as a choice for another.
The most important thing is understanding. I don’t preach what I don’t practice. I have never dated any woman that cannot cook. I don’t even ask them if they can cook. I am not interested in that. Strangely, all the ladies I have encountered can cook. You see how the universe works? I don’t care if she can cook or not. If she can’t, I will teach her.
I have a relationship where I do 90% of the cooking because I have more time than my lady. Due to the nature of her job, she hardly gets time for cooking. Some times, she starts feeling inadequate because she isn’t cooking, so she would order for cooked food and store in the freezer. Whenever she does that I get upset. I always remind her that there is no need for that. I don’t even think about it. It doesn’t occur to me at all that her inability to cook is an issue. When I am exhausted and she is very much available, like weekends, she does the cooking. We don’t discuss it. Outside that African mentality that pops up occasionally in her mind and makes her want to start cooking to please me, we have no issue.
How on earth would I see a woman that is supposed to be my partner as my cook? What is wrong with me? She is more than that to me please.
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